The Infractions of Sam Witwicky
by gothgirl1313
Summary: The bots are fed up with Sam's mischievous behavior, and decide to tell him about it by sending him a packet listing all his transgressions, sparking Sam's memories of the incidents. Rated T for language
1. A mystreious packet

A/N What up people? This is a new fic i'm trying out, so be nice if it isn't good. I love reviews, and remember, constructive criticism just makes the writing better for you guys! Now, onto the story!

To my dismay, I do not own Transformers

Key:

Hello- Present time

_Hello- _Flashback

**Hello-** Text from document

Sam was smiling ear to ear. He had just dropped Mikaela off at her house, and now was heading to his room in the n.e.s.t. He unlocked the door and tossed his bag down on the floor, heaving a relieved sigh as he fell on his bed. Looking up, he noticed something on his desk. He squinted to get a closer look, since getting up was too much effort. Now, he could see that it was a large stack of papers. With a groan, Sam got to his feet and sat down at his desk chair. He read the title of the stack curiously.

**The Infractions of Sam Witwicky**

**Composed by:**

**Optimus Prime**

**Ironhide**

**Jazz**

**Ratchet**

**Sunstreaker**

**Sideswipe**

**Wheeljack**

**Bumblebee**

"What?" Sam said aloud. Curious, he flipped to the next page. That page read:

**This is a compilation of the complaints of the Autobots in regards to transgressions of Sam Witwicky. They are grouped in the following order, with infractions against each bot grouped together. For your convenience, the complaints are numbered, and proposed in a form of a rule, so that you will not do these again. Please fell free to ask if any are confusing or incorrect.**

**TABLE OF CONTENTS**

**I Sunstreaker**

**II Sideswipe**

**III Wheeljack**

**IV Jazz**

**V Ratchet**

**VI Ironhide**

**VII Optimus Prime**

**VIII Bumblebee**

"Are you kidding me?" Sam flipped through the stack of papers with his thumb. This would take ages. He sighed again, and flipped to the first chapter.


	2. Sunstreaker, Rules I-III

*Sob*I don't own the transformers.

R&R! Reviews encourage me to write more!

Hello- Present time

_Hello- Flashback_

**Hello- Words from the document**

_Hello- Thoughts_

CHAPTER I SUNSTREAKER, RULES I-III

_Lets get this over with_, Sam thought as he began to read.

**I Do not ask Sunny if he ever goes streaking.**

Sam chuckled at the memory.

_He walked up to Sunny, smirking at his question. Sunny was waxing his cannon, completely oblivious to Sam, until he cleared his throat. "Hey Sunny, can I ask you something?" _

_Sunny looked down. "Sure."_

"_Your name's Sunstreaker, right?"_

_Right…. Your point?"_

"_I was wondering if you ever go streaking. In the sun."_

"_What do you mean? Whats 'Streaking'"_

"_Look it up. You'll see."_

_Sunny frowned, searching the world wide web, finally coming to a site that offered an explanation along with a helpful video. As Sam watched, Sunny got a horrible look on his face. "Oh, geez, oh primus! How...Why…. What… Why would you ask me about this!?"_

_Sam laughed. "Nice talking to ya, Sunny."_

**II Do not then dare him to go streaking.**

"Heh," Sam remembered that as well. It had been funny as hell.

_Sunny shook his head, shutting the video off. _

"_You humans have some strange pastimes." He remarked while trying to clear his head of the video he had just watched._

"_Hey Sunny…"_

"_What now?"_

"_I dare you to go streaking."_

"_What? Autobots don't even wear clothes! And thats just creepy as slag!"_

_Sam turned and walked away. When he was out of Sunny's earshot, he broke down, laughing his ass off._

**III Do not use Sunny's wax without his permission.**

That wasn't too bad, Sam thought as he remember the incident.

_Sunny cherished his prized wax. He always said he would defend it to the death, if need be. He was addicted to looking shiny and bright._

_Sam was in a predicament. He had lost a bet to Mikaela, and now she was making him wax all of the furniture in her room at N.E.S.T. Unfortunately, there seemed to be absolutely no wax on base, and with Bumblebee gone on a mission, Sam was out of options, until he remembered the strange addiction Sunny had to wax. Taking just a little couldn't hurt, right?_

_Wrong. He got chased out Sunny's room with the Lambo trying to run him over and save his wax at the same time._

A/N For those of you that don't know, streaking is when you run naked through a crowded area, such as a sporting event. Hope you enjoyed, and remember to R&R!


	3. Sideswipe, Rules IV-VI

**I double-checked, but I still don't own Transformers.**

**I've got a challenge for you guys. Lets get to five reviews by Monday, and I'll post a new chapter. If not, you will have to wait until I feel merciful! MWAHAHA! But seriously guys. Five. Stinkin. Reviews. We can do this!**

Hello- Present time

_Hello- Flashback_

****Hello- Words from the document****

_Hello- Thoughts_

CHAPTER II SIDESWIPE, RULES IV-VI

_Well, that wasn't too bad, _Sam thought, flipping to chapter II. _Only three rules from Sunny. _He looked at the head of the page, and noticed that Sideswipe only had three rules as well.

****IV Do not tell Sideswipe that Sunstreaker has a better paintjob.****

Sam smiled. He remembered that.

_Sides and Sunny had been standing in front of an Autobot sized mirror, once again arguing, when Sam strode up. He took one look at the twins, and shook his head. "What's up now, guys?"_

_Sides looked down at him. "Tell Sunny that red is a much better color for a warrior than yellow."_

"_Oh, I don't know, Sides. I like Sunny's paint a lot more than yours, no offense."_

"_HA!" Sunny yelled at his twin, as Sideswipes face twisted. He almost glitched, still looking at Sam in utter disbelief._

****V Do not then tell Sideswipe that Sunstreaker is faster than him.****

"That was a mistake," Sam mumbled. "He almost ran me over."

_A few weeks later, Sideswipe had been bragging to Skids and Mudflap when Sunstreaker and Sam walked up._

"_I'm so much faster than Sunny, its not even a contest," Sides gloated proudly. Sam saw his chance to stir up a little trouble, and he broke into the conversation._

"_Oh, I don't know, Sides." Sam could barely contain his snicker as the mechs swiveled to look at him. "Last I saw, Sunny was running way faster than you."_

_Sunstreaker gave a triumphant smirk to his brother. "What...No...How…" Sideswipe was practically shaking with fury as he turned to his brother. "Race! Now!"_

_Sunny got right back into Sides' face. "You're on!"_

"_Alright!" They both began to change, facing the door. Sam realized that he was a bit too close to Sideswipe for comfort. Before he could move, however, Sideswipe shot past him, not missing by any more than an inch. Sam's terrified scream just made Skids and Mudflap burst into laughter. Sideswipe didn't even pause at the shriek, he just gunned it out the door._

****VI Do not suggest that Sideswipe slow down, if he is doing you a favor.****

_"I didn't want a speeding ticket! Is that so much to ask?"_ Sam nearly facepalmed as he remembered the incident.

"_Oh no, oh no, oh no!" Sam ran through base, multitasking by attempting to tuck his shirt in and not spill his coffee, all while trying to talk to Bee on the phone. "No, no no, its okay Bee, really, I'll just ask somebody else. It's fine."_

_Bee had just told him that he was on a mission with Ironhide, and Sam had desperately needed a ride for his date with Mikaela, which began in ten minutes. Too bad the restaurant that the said date would occur at was twenty minutes away._

"_Need a ride, need a ride, need a ride," Sam desperately scanned the hanger, looking for an available autobot that would A. Be willing to help him, and B. Be fast enough to get him there relatively on time. His eyes lit up and landing on Sideswipe, who was contentedly dozing in his alternate mode. That is, until Sam came up and started raping heavily on his windshield, talking at a mile a minute. _

"_HeySideswipeIneedaridewillyoutakeme?" Sam panted, mentally cursing at the time. Now he had nine minutes to get there. Sideswipe grunted, unhappy he was awoken from his recharge. "Slow down, what?"_

_Sam was still panicking, but he said it again. "I need a ride to the Greek restaurant on 54th street. I need to get there fast. Like, real fast. Will you take me?"_

_A mischievous idea began to form in Sideswipes head. "Fast. I can do fast. Get in." Sam was too hurried to notice the slight chuckle the autobot gave, as Sam thanked him again and again._

_A minute later, Sam was screaming in the drivers seat, forgetting that around civilians he was supposed to look like he was driving Sides. Pure horror filled him as Sideswipe took a turn at seventy five miles per hour. He was pretty sure that they were currently in a forty mph zone. "NONONONONO!" Sam continued to scream at the top of his lungs. He did not want to pay one of Sideswipes speeding tickets. All the cops around here had his plate memorized. "SIDESWIPE SLOW DOWN!" Sam shrieked, horrified as he watched the Lambo's speed needle climbed to the nighty mark. Suddenly, Sideswipe slammed on the brakes, nearly throwing Sam into the dashboard. The lambo was thoroughly fed up with the constant whining. He opened his door, unfastened Sams seatbelt, and fairly pushed him out, before tires shrieking he spun and headed back for base. "No no no NO!" Sam called after him, before cursing Sideswipe out. He doubted whether or not Mikaela would approve of his excuse for being so late. _


	4. Wheeljack, Rules VII-IX

****Hey people! Well, we got to four, eventually. Lets try and get ten reviews by friday, k?****

****A big thanks to ********Answerthecall, Guest, and Miamigal890 ********for reviewing. This chapter is for you guys, since you took the few seconds to review my work. ****

****I don't own the Transformers.****

Hello- Present time

_Hello- Flashback_

****Hello- Words from the document****

_Hello- Thoughts_

CHAPTER 3 WHEELJACK, RULES VII-IX

Sam huffed at the title. He barely even saw the inventor, how could he have complaints against him? He looked to the first rule**.**

****VII Do not touch Wheeljack's dangerous inventions.****

Unconsciously, Sam ran a hand down his thigh, where the burn was almost done healing.

_He was wandering around, bored out of his mind. Bumblebee had a checkup with Ratchet, and Mikaela was helping, so he really had nothing to do. As he walked by Wheeljack's lab, he noticed the door was open, but no one was in there. Sam cautiously looked up and down the hallway. Nobody was coming from either direction. With a final look, he slipped through the Autobot-sized door. Once inside, he looked around._

"_Whoa." Giant tables were laden with spare parts, as well as human sized tables, and inventions lay everywhere. He slowly walked into the room, eyes gazing around him in wonder. He was so busy looking up that he didn't notice the table leg straight in front of him. "Oof." Sam held his forehead as things teetered on the ten foot table above him. As Sam watched, a strange gadget tipped over the edge of the table and slammed to the floor, along with various bolts and screws. When things stopped raining down on him, Sam walked over to it. The thing was human sized, which was strange. It was cool. Sam smiled and picked it up, noticing as he did so the ON/OFF switch on the side. He looked around once more. _

"_What the hell." He flipped the switch. _

_Instantly, the tip of the device burst into flames, which began quickly speeding down to handle towards him. "NonononoNONO!" Sam dropped the flaming device while trying to run away. Unfortunately, as he turned, the flames icked down his left thigh. He felt panic rise inside of him at the sight of his pants leg on fire, before quickly remembering to stop, drop, and roll. Moaning at the pain, he began to limp towards Ratchets medbay._

_Bee and Ratchet both looked up at the sound of the med bay doors banging open. Bee's eyes widened as he saw Sam limping, groaning as he held his thigh. Just then, fire alarms began to sound. The bots gave Sam a questioning look. "Oh, yeah, by the way, there may be a small fire in Wheeljack's lab."_

****VIII Do not enlist Wheeljack's help with your pranks.****

_Hey, he's the inventor around here, not me. _Sam recalled the incident.

_Sideswipe and Sunstreaker really had it coming. Sam had just fallen victim to the bucket of water on top of the door prank. He needed a way to get them back, and for that, he needed Wheeljack._

"_Hello there, Sam. What can I do for you today?" Wheeljack asked pleasantly._

"_I need a favor. The twins pranked me, and I need to get them back." _

_He tilted his head curiously. "What did you have in mind?" Wheeljack picked Sam up and held him as Sam whispered his idea._

_Several hours later, Wheeljack's chemical compound was successfully atop the rec room door, and Sam was in position, with the help of Bumblebee. Sam snickered as the twins came walking down the hallway. "Hey, guys! I have this awesome movie I want you to see. Come to the rec room with me?"_

_Sideswipe grunted. "If it's 'Deliver us from evil,' we've already seen it."_

"_It's not guys, I promise. Just come watch it, alright?"_

"_Fine." Sunstreaker said as the twins walked side by side through the door, not even noticing as Sam held back. Suddenly, a barrel of something feel from the top, drenching them._

"_What the-" Sideswipe looked at the thick liquid covering them._

"_Now, Bee!" Sam called to Bee, who was across the room at the light switch. At Sam's command, he flipped it off, effectively getting the attention of the bots in the room, which included Ironhide, Ratchet, Optimus, and Wheeljack. A startled gasp drew their attention back to the bots in the doorway. Snickers were heard all around the room as they stared at the twins, for obvious reasons. The twins were now glowing a brilliant blue color._

"_My..my paint!" Sunstreaker looked about ready to panic. Sam turned to Wheeljack. _

"_Nice job, 'Jack. Thanks."_

"_So he made this." Sunny whispered to his brother._

"_I knew it was above Sam's capabilities." Sides whispered back._

_Later on, as Sam was walking by Wheeljack's lab, he heard strange noises coming from inside. He pressed his ear to the door. Inside, he could hear banging, and what sounded like Wheeljack pleading with somebody._

_With wide eyes, Sam quickly walked as fast as he could in the other direction._

****IX Do not point out the fact that Wheeljack's inventions never seem to work out.****

Sam shook his head. "I'm being criticized for speaking the truth.

_It had come up in passing, while sitting in the rec room with some of the soldiers on the human sized couch., that another one of Wheeljack's inventions had gone boom._

_Lennox was laughing as he finished his story. "So then, as this thing's shaking and rattling, I'm taking cover behind the table. All of a sudden, BOOM! The toaster goes up in a cloud of smoke, and flings my toast at the ceiling! And now Annabelles been having nightmares about flying toast monsters! Can you believe it!?" All of the soldiers were so busy laughing, nobody had noticed Wheeljack walk into the room to hear the climax of the story about the death of the toaster he had designed for the Lennox family._

_Still roaring with laughter, Sam turned to the men. "Has anybody noticed that none-and I mean NONE- of Wheeljack's inventions ever work?" The other soldiers heartily agreed with him, again not noticing the mech leave the rear of the room._

_Later, as Optimus was walking down the hallway of base, he heard something strange coming from the corridor where Wheeljack's lab was. He changed his course and headed into the hallway, were the odd noise continued. Upon analyzing the noise, he deemed it to be coming from Wheeljack's lab. He walked to it and gently pushed through the door._

_What he saw on the inside was a truly inexplicable sight. Wheeljack was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest, a human position often meant to relay sadness. Beyond that, his arms were locked around his knees, and he was full out sobbing, coolant tears flowing down his faceplates. "Wheeljack, what is the matter?" Optimus asked, wondering if the old inventor had finally lost it, or if he should call Ratchet. _

_Wheeljack looked up with tear-filled optics. "Sam said none of my inventions ever work, and he's RIGHT! I'm a FAILURE!" Wheeljack sobbed, burying his head in his knees. _

"_It's alright, old friend. Sam didn't mean it, why, lots of your inventions have worked properly!"_

"_Really? Which ones?" Wheeljack sniffed pathetically._

_Optimus racked his processor for any memory of a working invention. Realization struck his as he drew a blank. "Uhm, there was… there was… uhm…"_

_Wheeljack sobbed even harder and started screaming at Prime. "YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THEM! I'M A COMPLETE FAILURE TO MY CAUSE! LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY LAB!" At this point, Wheeljack picked up a device from the nearest table and hurled it at prime. While he couldn't see due to the tears, and his aim wasn't quite as good as Ratchets, Optimus Prime himself still beat a hasty retreat from the inventors labrotory, inventions and tools clanging behind him as he ran._


	5. Jazz, Rules X-XII

**So so so sorry this wasn't up sooner! This chapter was super hard to write and, i'm not real proud of it. All I know about Jazz is from the 07 movie and Fanfiction, so I didn't have much to go on. But you guys dont care about that.**

**As always, please read and review. Big thanks to ******Miamigal890, Angelicroses2013, and Answerthecall for their reviews. :3****

**As always again, I dont own the Transformers. If I did, Bumblebee would have been the star.**

**Now, ON TO THE CHAPTER!**

JAZZ, RULES X-XII

Sam had to admit, the last one was kind of his fault. He looked at Jazz's section.

****X. Do not insult Jazz's music.****

Sam winced. He had never seen Jazz so angry before.

_Sam was kicking back in the rec room with Mikaela and Leo. The day had been a calm one, without any Decepticon activity so far. Suddenly, Jazz walked in, humming along to some blaring rock and roll music._

_Sam groaned. "I HATE rock n roll!" He nearly screamed to be heard over the music. _

_All of a sudden, the music was shut off. Everybody turned to look at Jazz. He had his arms folded, and his visor down. He didn't look happy. He was even tapping his foot._

"_Uhm, Jazz? You okay?" Mikaela ventured quietly._

"_Nobody. Insults. My. MUSIC!" Jazz whipped out his cannons, still glaring at the kids._

"_Whoa!" Sam scrambled up from the couch. Jazz took a menacing step forwards, growling. Sam took an uneasy step back. Jazz was growling even louder now, still advancing. _

_Sam watched as Jazz took another step forward, and began to raise his cannon at Sam…_

_Thats when Sam lost it. He tore out the door, and began running full out down the hallway, screaming "BUMBLEBEE! HELP! SAVE ME! BUMBLEBEE!" Jazz transformed behind him and zipped into the hallway as well. Back in the rec room, Leo and Mikaela looked at each other. _

"_Should we, help him?" Leo asked._

_Mikaela shook her head. "Nah, Jazz won't actually hurt Sam too bad."_

"_Why?"_

"_All the bots are afraid of what Bee would do to 'em if they so much as lay a finger on him."_

****XI "Jazz hands" are offensive.****

Sam had to laugh at that one. It had been a group effort, with fabulous results.

_Jazz was worried about his human allies. He also thought that he may be losing his mind._

_They had been acting strangely all day. Every time he would walk by, they would outstretch their arms with their palms out, then wave their hands. After that, the humans would often walk off laughing and high fiving each other. He had dismissed it as a strange new dance fad, until Lennox and Epps did it too as he walked down the hall._

_He decided to consult Ratchet on the matter. Unbeknownst to him, Sam and Mikaela were talking a short distance behind his back. _

"_He still doesn't get it?" Mikaela asked as another set of soldiers did it as Jazz walked by. _

"_Nope. Poor guy." Sam had to snicker at his latest prank. It could rival some of the Twin's. Somehow, he had convinced almost every soldier on the base to do "Jazz Hands" when they were near Jazz, and his reaction was hilarious. He clutched his head and speed towards the Med Bay as Will and Sarah Lennox walked by with Annabelle and they both stopped their conversation and did it. Annabelle, seeing what her parents were doing, tried to copy as best as she could. _

_Mikaela laughed as Jazz spirited off, screaming for Ratchet. "Should we tell him?"_

_Sam smirked. "We'll let him figure it out."_

****XII Do not insult Jazz's dancing capabilities.****

_Lesson learned, _Sam thought to himself.

_Him and Leo had been hanging out in the rec room. Bumblebee, Skids, and Mudflap had also been there, watching as the humans got into yet another argument._

"_I'm telling you, the robot is the best dance move ever." Sam crossed his arms. _

_Leo huffed with annoyance. "Dude, no, Gangnam style's clearly the best way to go."_

_Just then Jazz walked in. "What's crackin, little bitches?" Bumblebee remembered that that was how Jazz had greeted Sam and Mikaela the first time they had ever met. _

"_We're arguing about the best dance move ever, and Sams wrong!"_

"_No I'm not!"_

"_yes you are!"_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa there. Calm it down, people. Maybe I can help." Jazz crouched down so he could look at the two boys closer to their eye level. _

_Sam just scoffed at this. "What would YOU know about human dancing? You're an alien robot, for cryin out loud!"_

_Bumblebee exchanged an anxious look with Skids and Mudflap. This wouldn't end well._

_Just as Bee had predicted, Jazz began to glower at his charge, who shrunk away from the piercing gaze of the saboteur. "You wanna see dancing, punk? Lets dance."_

_Jazz then began to break out into a series of moves that Bumblebee could never even hope to attempt. He ended with a flourish. _

"_That, my squishy friends," He paused for emphasis, "is how we alien robots like to dance."_


End file.
